My unofficial bike team (the Muddy Iguanas) talks on Facebook. A LOT. And since our wives and girlfriends sometimes also see that stuff, we took the conversation into a “group,” and we made it “secret” so that it doesn’t clog up other people’s notifications and emails. But since then, it’s become a little bit of a clubhouse where we can talk about spending stupid amounts of money on hand-made sew-up tires, sharing videos of awful crashes, linking to photos from the previous night’s race, and sharing how-to articles. The Muddy Iguanas are now fully 90% of my Facebook experience.

So it occurs to me that if I needed a company intranet, I would use a “secret” Facebook group. You get all the power of Facebook — it’s in your feed, photos, videos, status updates, links, commenting, updating via email — except it’s kept away from everyone else’s Facebook stream.

I’m sure that someone nefarious could hack it. Or someone wily could figure out what you’re doing by targeting ads at you or something. But is it any less secure than whatever other cloud-based intranet tool you’re using? Plus, it dumps any work posts into your normal Facebook stream, so you see work-stuff while you’re screwing around on Facebook!

I dunno. Seems like the perfect tool to me. And honestly, having used Jive and 37 Signals, they’re pale imitations on the social level. (Basecamp is still awesome for project mgmt, though.)

Thoughts?

Ironically, I left Pop Art shortly thereafter, and ended up at Webtrends where I was tasked to do the final analysis of the campaign. To be honest, I didn’t agree with doing it. The whole fiasco had died down, and it seemed folly to bring it up.

Since this is my portfolio section, the thing to point out here is that I did all the sentiment analysis and calculations myself. (Yes, I can do math.) And then I wrote up my conclusions for a downloadable PDF.

Our goal was to highlight our online tracking and measurement capabilities measure and analyze the content and sentiment of the resulting online conversation.

In other words, we try to understand what people say and how they feel about the topic. This measurement can be helpful for businesses and organizations who are exploring new ideas, and who want to find out how the ideas will be received, unearth misconceptions, and identify influencers.

Measuring sentiment and opinion is not a new science — public relations firms and politicians have used it for decades through opinion polls and surveys. We apply similar fundamentals and modern tools to digital conversations.

It’s not the most exciting thing in the world — I intentionally wrote it more like a flat research paper so that it wouldn’t inflame the conversation again. But given the way I naturally write (kinda like a smart ass teenager), it’s a good example of my ability to write in a different voice.

It’s also a good example of my ability to hold my nose while I do something I strenuously disagree with, both on a business and personal level.

Situational morality: That’s why I work in marketing!

Click to giganticize the Webtrends Great Data Giveaway screenshot

Early on at Webtrends, we decided to run a Facebook contest. That was pretty much the direction: let’s run a contest to see how it works.

So we wondered: what would make Webtrends’ faithful excited? And I came up with this idea of embracing the data nerd element. “Fly your nerd flag high” was an ad headline I remember.

We got sponsors like Wolfram | Alpha and ReadWriteWeb to give away a bunch of datasets our winners could correlate to their own data.

Anyway — I still love this text:

“Because you collect data the way some people collect unicorn snowglobes. (And get just as many puzzled stares.)”

It was a pretty successful contest. A few days into the project, once someone in management realized it wasn’t going to go down in flames, we picked up a new goal: to increase our “quality fans.” Considering we were giving away .csv files of historical Twitter data, these fans were definitely quality. And we went from 500 fans to about 2500 fans in a month.

I also created, bought, placed, and optimized all the ad campaign for this. It was during this time that we started to notice the 3-day rot for all Facebook ads. What that means is that most Facebook ads do pretty well for the first 3 days. After that, they start to get ignored by users.

So here’s a little media-planning tip: if you’re resourcing for a month-long Facebook campaign, you need 10 fresh ads. (And really, if you just use new images and new headlines, you’re fine.)

At my company Fight, we call this “the 80% rule.” It goes like this:

When you convey a difficult concept, you’re better off being 80% right and simple, than 100% right and complex.

Put another way, Apple includes “Multitasking” as a key feature of iOS on their website but it was only at their developers conference that Job’s explained the concept of “fast app switching” or as John Gruber put it:

“Apps don’t run in windows, they run on the full screen. So when you leave one app and switch to another in iPhone OS 4, the GUI — the visual interface — is not going to continue updating in the background. What will happen, if the app is updated to support the new OS 4 APIs (which, I expect, all actively-maintained apps will be), is that the app will stay in memory but stop processing. Switch back and it’ll start processing again, right where it left off.”

Yo dawg, we heard you like multitasking.

My sister and I started IM’ing about it, and she pulled out the Bernbach quote:

“The truth isn’t the truth until people believe you, and they can’t believe you if they don’t know what you’re saying, and they can’t know what you’re saying if they don’t listen to you, and they won’t listen to you if you’re not interesting, and you won’t be interesting unless you say things imaginatively, originally, freshly.”

Steph: “I am busily blowing it up in poster size.”

Thom: “Me, too.”

Steph: “Is yours going in a Constitution Layout under the heading “Bernbach’s Law”? Because that would be creepy evidence that we share the same brain.”

Thom: “I might photoshop it as a tattoo on a half naked model, then blow it up in a close-up window.”

Steph: “Okay, NOT the same brain.”

I wish I could work with my sister. She rocks.

I love that joke because, frankly, most copywriters are all sharp elbows and big egos. They’ve sweated through it, considered the angles, and now you want to change it? Are you crazy?

Writing isn’t easy. Staring at your screen until your fingertips bleed isn’t easy. But after a few days of scribbling and not sleeping,  you arrive at a few headlines that delight the imaginary focus group in your head. Probably a headline that was, as Pulitizer said, short enough they’ll read it, clear enough they’ll appreciate it, picturesque enough it they’ll remember it, and accurate enough that they’ll be guided by its light.

Then some “product expert” comes along and wants to pin a hot-pink starburst ribbon on it that hollers, “Paradigm-Shifting ROI Optimization Solution.”

Your works suffers from then on. Because instead of focusing on clarity and amazingness, you get distracted by gaming your boss. You take your eye off the ball. You start mailing it in because you get worn down from having to explain the obvious: no one knows what the fuck a paradigm-shifting ROI optimization solution is.

I refer to this as “the marketing you deserve.” It’s the marketing your schmucky boss deserves for being a dumbass. And it’s the marketing that I, the now-lazy copywriter, also deserve for allowing myself to get brow-beaten into giving up creativity. And that’s usually when the portfolio gets sharpened up and I start buying former co-workers beers to find a new gig.

As a marketer and a company, you sometimes have to decide that the data won’t guide you. Today, it’s both easier and harder to take a creative leap.

Testing an idea — creating an ad, buying some targeted placements, measuring the results — is relatively easy. It’s never been easier to produce amazing, compelling stories. It’s easy to test them in a controlled metro area.

However, when you make a really big creative leap, it IS harder than ever to keep them quiet. Especially if you’re a big brand. Social media, YouTube, email, whatever. We’re connected like never before. The new NIKE World Cup video got a few hundred thousand hits on YouTube before NIKE launched any other support for it. People found it and shared it.

Groups Suck
What I’ve found is that sending one email and cc’ing multiple people routinely fails at generating anything. They all stare at each other and assume someone else who is less busy than them will take care of it. And after all, it’s just the blog. It’s not like the earth will stop turning if we don’t post something.

Oops, You Made a Committee
Worse, they’ll turn it into a committee. “Should we be talking about this?” or “Shouldn’t we do more research around this?” or “Perhaps we can come to consensus. Let’s call a meeting.”

Bang, your blog post is dead. Get out the shovel and bury it.

Individuals Do Things
The more successful route is to send a very similar email to one person at a time, asking them to weigh in on something. In it, I usually emphasize a few points:

1. Minimal effort: I just need a paragraph response. I’ll handle the rest.
2. No writing: They can swing by my desk and we’ll write it together.
3. Flattery: They said something about this to me earlier that was BRILLIANT, but I can’t get it quite right. What was it again?
4. Secrecy: I’m working with a few other people, but I’m really interested in YOUR opinion.
5. Leverage + Flattery: I talked to your boss, and s/he couldn’t say enough about how much you totally understand this topic.

The problem with this route is when you’re fishing, and the person maybe isn’t the best resource. And they forward the email to someone else you’ve already sent it to.

This is just one of the many ways to get people off their ass to write something. I’m sure I’ll cover a few more.

This is the real world where you’re interviewing CEOs of small businesses. And the reader typically needs to get something out of it — if you’re not thinking ahead about why the reader would bit.ly your link and send it along, you’re dooming yourself to obscurity.

We had a situation like that today, so this is what I shot back to the writer:

Here’s what I’d propose: re-read over this and ask yourself what Laura can teach all of us. Because at the end of the day, Laura is NOT a celebrity. So we need some utility for this article. What, as someone outside this company, will make this article valuable? Why would I forward this article on to someone?

Secondly, make your points AFTER you’ve illustrated them. SHOW our “distinct culture of internal support,” rather than tell me. Give me a story. An anecdote. A quote. Don’t tell me he’s funny. Show me.

“A skeleton walks into a bar,” Kevin said, apropos of nothing, talking to apparently no one. “He says to the bartender, ‘give me a beer and a mop.’” Even camels call Kevin’s humor dry.

He didn’t like the idea. Said there’s no better way than to just give back the text all marked up.

I approached it differently:

“You’re gonna scare the crap out of them with so many edits. Show them a few examples of your edits before you finish. Get them comfortable with those. Then they won’t fight as much when you hand it back mostly rewritten.”

He said he’d try.

When you have time to do so, sharing work early makes life easier. People get bought in. You can incorporate good ideas. You make them a participant. You spread the accolades.

The risk you run is that you share an idea too early, and the critical feedback you hear nips a good idea before it can bloom. This often happens when you’re still exploring a concept, and the unfinished nature of it freaks people out.

It’s more important with original work than edits. But if you deliver a piece back that’s bleeding with red ink, you’re best served prepping the soon-to-be-bruised ego. It’s not heartbreak if they agree with you.

So here’s my test about when to start you inside sales job. If you can answer yes, then go start selling:

Can you explain it to your significant other?

Does it have a catchy headline or tagline?

Do you have a specific concept or idea you want feedback on?

With those, you will represent the concept well. You will give your audience a fully-formed thought. And you will likely get some decent feedback as you put on your inside sales hat.

I can’t say it’s the best organized writing in the world, but perhaps handy if you’re trying to quickly understand email marketing.

How Marketers Measure Success in Email

1. Numbers of emails successfully sent: Sometimes you get bounces, spams, or bad emails. It’s good to track those numbers and clean the list occasionally.
2. Open rate: Total emails sent out / Emails opened = open rate percentage. The biggest three contributors to whether people open an email are:
   1. Do I know who sent this to me? The name and email address in the from: field.
   2. Is the subject line interesting to me? Words like “Free” usually end up in spam, but knowing that it’s the user’s birthday or that their anniversary is coming up can generate interest. The more relevant personal information you can add in the subject line (in a way that’s not creepy), the higher your open rate.
   3. Is this a good time to talk to me about this? Emails about insurance sent at 5 pm on a Friday? Not going to get opened. Emails about “three fashion tips you already have in your closet” at 4 pm on a Friday might get opened for the “going out” crowd.
3. Click-through rate: Total emails sent / # of clicks in all emails. Typically, just like a web page, the biggest visual will get the most clicks. And the stuff at the top of the page will get the most clicks. Know what your client really wants from their email campaign, and put it up there.
4. Spams and Unsubscribes: A certain number of people will categorize your email as spam and a certain number will unsubscribe. Marking an email as spam is easier than unsubscribing, and many people use it. It kinda sucks, but you’ll get a few. Unsubscribe is fine, because you can  at least offer them incentives for staying in the course of unsubscribing, like a free flashlight or something. Or you can ask why they’re leaving: “Hey wow, bummer. Did we not send you interesting content? Maybe you could choose from one of these three things to help us do better next time.” At least you get a very short exit interview.

Just like online ad campaigns, the email campaigns are tracked on the website to see what people who clicked through did.

• Did they buy? What? How much? Did they abandon?
• How much time did they spend on the site?
• How many pages? Where did they go?
• What was the bounce rate?

Custom Content and Measurement
Email, like every other type of marketing and advertising, is about relevance. And prior behavior tells you a lot about future behavior.

You can start to tell patterns about people based on how they click. Some people are female, but only shop for males. Maybe they’re buying gifts. Other people only click-through when there’s a deep discount. Some people want the newest thing, like “see what Hollywood is wearing this spring.”

Those patterns are important, because you should choose to send emails with dynamic, auto-generated content based on click patterns. This dynamic email content is the backbone of the company’s system. So basically, if the client is offering a 35% coupon, the email system will let you create a group that’s based on prior click patterns (“give me everyone who clicked on a discount link between Q1 2008 and Q1 2009.”)

Plus, you can create a regular email where there’s a bucket of content that’s subject to different rules: if they like discounts, fill it with discount copy. If they like new stuff, fill it with the hot newness content. If they like men’s stuff, fill it with men’s stuff.

Different types of campaigns: awareness vs. sales.

• Awareness: We want people to know about this product or service, and we want them to want it. Typically, there’s a click-through to a product page. Once there, maybe people will even buy. With a campaign like that, you want to try to use as much information as you have about the customer to focus on what they might be interested in. And you want to keep your design and offer language streamlined — don’t try to squash too many options into a single email or people don’t know what to click on.
• Sales: With a sales email, you’re probably offering an incentive to people to buy something. Or at least to check it out. The key is to know what motivates different people in your email database. Some may be motivated by discounts, others free shipping, and others just want the newest and hottest and fastest thing.

List Building
OK, we want to send an email, but where do we get all these people? I’m sure there are other ways, but here’s the four big ones.

1. Email sign up form on the website, perhaps during a purchase.
2. Product registration online or mail-in cards.
3. List rentals or purchases: With these, you can only send the list one email where your call to action is “please subscribe because we have a lot to offer you.” If they don’t actively subscribe, you can’t send them any more emails.
4. Salesforce.com or whatever customer management system the client uses: With this, you have to be careful. Small businesses often get away with importing from their CRM, even though people didn’t explicitly say, “sign me up for this list.” But this company probably has a policy similar to the list rental or purchase policy due to spam issues (see below). It’s not cool, and I always recommend against it.

List Cleaning
List cleaning comes after a mature list has been used for a while, and there are people who simply aren’t opening or clicking. It’s not inherently bad, especially with the economy like this, but it screws up the numbers on which you are judged. It makes you as the project manager look bad.

So maybe once a year with a big account, you might send out an email that says, “Hey, if this email newsletter isn’t right for you, maybe try different content that you WOULD like. If not, this will be your last email. Click here to keep receiving it.”

Techy Stuff
Different email programs (technically, these are called “clients”) have different HTML rendering issues. It’s a giant pain in the ass for the industry. Your programmers will know all the ins and outs of this, but sufficed to say, they need to time to test their HTML in different email programs. And email will not render (look) the same in every email program. It’s the same as testing web pages in different browsers, except instead of four major browsers, there are like 10 major email clients. SWEET!

The good news is that the company’s database will tell you what the lion’s share of recipients use. That lets you focus the team’s time.

One other thing: most email is designed using very old-school HTML with tables and junk. It’s TERRIBLE. Most web designers would hate it. But that’s just the way things go with email due to all the conflicting programs/clients.

Spam
The company probably has a long list of prohibited words that tend to set off spam filters. Stuff like “free” and “discount.” Your writers will need to get creative to work around that. But again, you should be sending content that is relevant to the user, so hopefully there are multiple subject lines depending on the user’s prior click pattern. Content within the email might also set off alarms, so… you know, work with your writers.

This company, like all email service providers, is likely in a constant battle with Internet Service Providers about spam. Being very diligent about having a good list, not renting or buying lists very often, and unsubscribing people quickly are all critical. This lets them avoid being “blacklisted” by email powerhouses like Hotmail, Yahoo, Gmail, AOL and others.

Text Only
Most emails sent via email service providers are probably HTML based. Some users may choose to have text-only emails sent. Or increasingly, they may have a mobile version sent. Those emails need to be much simpler. Line breaks, ALL CAPS, lines of hyphens, and bullets are all good ways to get people to read text-only email