I thought to myself, “Odd. I must’ve really fucked up my portfolio if he didn’t pick that up. I mean, that’s a pretty accurate description of me.”

Analytics are cruel because when I looked at the web analytics on my portfolio between when I sent it to him and when I received the rejection email, there was only a slight uptick. Very few pages were viewed for more than 10 seconds. And none of the larger “zoom in here to read” files were viewed. None. So I can surmise that he spent about 90 seconds on my site.

Analytics are cruel because I know that I wasn’t even really considered. Pity, that is.

(Oh, and I stole the title. We had Ze Frank as the emcee for the Webtrends Engage conference a few weeks back. And he had this bit about how “Analytics are Cruel.” It’s good! Watch it below.)

Click to giganticize the Webtrends Great Data Giveaway screenshot

Early on at Webtrends, we decided to run a Facebook contest. That was pretty much the direction: let’s run a contest to see how it works.

So we wondered: what would make Webtrends’ faithful excited? And I came up with this idea of embracing the data nerd element. “Fly your nerd flag high” was an ad headline I remember.

We got sponsors like Wolfram | Alpha and ReadWriteWeb to give away a bunch of datasets our winners could correlate to their own data.

Anyway — I still love this text:

“Because you collect data the way some people collect unicorn snowglobes. (And get just as many puzzled stares.)”

It was a pretty successful contest. A few days into the project, once someone in management realized it wasn’t going to go down in flames, we picked up a new goal: to increase our “quality fans.” Considering we were giving away .csv files of historical Twitter data, these fans were definitely quality. And we went from 500 fans to about 2500 fans in a month.

I also created, bought, placed, and optimized all the ad campaign for this. It was during this time that we started to notice the 3-day rot for all Facebook ads. What that means is that most Facebook ads do pretty well for the first 3 days. After that, they start to get ignored by users.

So here’s a little media-planning tip: if you’re resourcing for a month-long Facebook campaign, you need 10 fresh ads. (And really, if you just use new images and new headlines, you’re fine.)

At my company Fight, we call this “the 80% rule.” It goes like this:

When you convey a difficult concept, you’re better off being 80% right and simple, than 100% right and complex.

Put another way, Apple includes “Multitasking” as a key feature of iOS on their website but it was only at their developers conference that Job’s explained the concept of “fast app switching” or as John Gruber put it:

“Apps don’t run in windows, they run on the full screen. So when you leave one app and switch to another in iPhone OS 4, the GUI — the visual interface — is not going to continue updating in the background. What will happen, if the app is updated to support the new OS 4 APIs (which, I expect, all actively-maintained apps will be), is that the app will stay in memory but stop processing. Switch back and it’ll start processing again, right where it left off.”

Yo dawg, we heard you like multitasking.

My sister and I started IM’ing about it, and she pulled out the Bernbach quote:

“The truth isn’t the truth until people believe you, and they can’t believe you if they don’t know what you’re saying, and they can’t know what you’re saying if they don’t listen to you, and they won’t listen to you if you’re not interesting, and you won’t be interesting unless you say things imaginatively, originally, freshly.”

Steph: “I am busily blowing it up in poster size.”

Thom: “Me, too.”

Steph: “Is yours going in a Constitution Layout under the heading “Bernbach’s Law”? Because that would be creepy evidence that we share the same brain.”

Thom: “I might photoshop it as a tattoo on a half naked model, then blow it up in a close-up window.”

Steph: “Okay, NOT the same brain.”

I wish I could work with my sister. She rocks.

I love that joke because, frankly, most copywriters are all sharp elbows and big egos. They’ve sweated through it, considered the angles, and now you want to change it? Are you crazy?

Writing isn’t easy. Staring at your screen until your fingertips bleed isn’t easy. But after a few days of scribbling and not sleeping,  you arrive at a few headlines that delight the imaginary focus group in your head. Probably a headline that was, as Pulitizer said, short enough they’ll read it, clear enough they’ll appreciate it, picturesque enough it they’ll remember it, and accurate enough that they’ll be guided by its light.

Then some “product expert” comes along and wants to pin a hot-pink starburst ribbon on it that hollers, “Paradigm-Shifting ROI Optimization Solution.”

Your works suffers from then on. Because instead of focusing on clarity and amazingness, you get distracted by gaming your boss. You take your eye off the ball. You start mailing it in because you get worn down from having to explain the obvious: no one knows what the fuck a paradigm-shifting ROI optimization solution is.

I refer to this as “the marketing you deserve.” It’s the marketing your schmucky boss deserves for being a dumbass. And it’s the marketing that I, the now-lazy copywriter, also deserve for allowing myself to get brow-beaten into giving up creativity. And that’s usually when the portfolio gets sharpened up and I start buying former co-workers beers to find a new gig.

“It’s the sweaty socks and dudes hitting on me at the gym that I really love about working out. I mean, it’s great to look nice, but it’s really the EXPERIENCE that I’m after.”

And I pointed out that: “In advertising, it’s never bad to turn a perceived weakness into a positive… Unless your weakness is for Boy Scouts.”

This is the real world where you’re interviewing CEOs of small businesses. And the reader typically needs to get something out of it — if you’re not thinking ahead about why the reader would bit.ly your link and send it along, you’re dooming yourself to obscurity.

We had a situation like that today, so this is what I shot back to the writer:

Here’s what I’d propose: re-read over this and ask yourself what Laura can teach all of us. Because at the end of the day, Laura is NOT a celebrity. So we need some utility for this article. What, as someone outside this company, will make this article valuable? Why would I forward this article on to someone?

Secondly, make your points AFTER you’ve illustrated them. SHOW our “distinct culture of internal support,” rather than tell me. Give me a story. An anecdote. A quote. Don’t tell me he’s funny. Show me.

“A skeleton walks into a bar,” Kevin said, apropos of nothing, talking to apparently no one. “He says to the bartender, ‘give me a beer and a mop.’” Even camels call Kevin’s humor dry.

He didn’t like the idea. Said there’s no better way than to just give back the text all marked up.

I approached it differently:

“You’re gonna scare the crap out of them with so many edits. Show them a few examples of your edits before you finish. Get them comfortable with those. Then they won’t fight as much when you hand it back mostly rewritten.”

He said he’d try.

When you have time to do so, sharing work early makes life easier. People get bought in. You can incorporate good ideas. You make them a participant. You spread the accolades.

The risk you run is that you share an idea too early, and the critical feedback you hear nips a good idea before it can bloom. This often happens when you’re still exploring a concept, and the unfinished nature of it freaks people out.

It’s more important with original work than edits. But if you deliver a piece back that’s bleeding with red ink, you’re best served prepping the soon-to-be-bruised ego. It’s not heartbreak if they agree with you.

So here’s my test about when to start you inside sales job. If you can answer yes, then go start selling:

Can you explain it to your significant other?

Does it have a catchy headline or tagline?

Do you have a specific concept or idea you want feedback on?

With those, you will represent the concept well. You will give your audience a fully-formed thought. And you will likely get some decent feedback as you put on your inside sales hat.

There are Two Types of People in the World: Makers and Managers

There are two types of people in your office, Makers and Managers. And scheduling a meeting with Maker can kill that person’s effectiveness for the day, according to Paul Graham.

I find one meeting can sometimes affect a whole day. A meeting commonly blows at least half a day, by breaking up a morning or afternoon. But in addition there’s sometimes a cascading effect. If I know the afternoon is going to be broken up, I’m slightly less likely to start something ambitious in the morning.

Makers Need Uninterrupted Time

Makers do the work — at Pop Art, our Makers are designers, developers, programmers, writers, designers and media planners. These people create the work that ends up online. Here’s how Graham describes the conundrum Makers face.

They generally prefer to use time in units of half a day at least. You can’t write or program well in units of an hour. That’s barely enough time to get started.

Managers, however, live and die in increments of an hour. Seeking information, checking in, status updates, reaching consensus, making a decision, delegating are all reasons for managers to call a meeting. Boom!

Interruptions are Relative

If a meeting is advancing the project, it must be a net positive, right? No. Interruptions are relative. An older article on the cost of workplace interruptions (yes, I’m now calling your status update meeting an interruption) qualifies them as such:

• when I interrupt someone (a “good” interruption)
• when someone interrupts me (a “bad” interruption)

Take a look at this list of Top 10 office interruptions: which would be good and which would be bad? When is an interruption really a collaboration?

But Seriously, Your Meetings Are Killing My Productivity

Are the Makers and Creators being overly sensitive? I say no. A News.com article cites “In Praise of Slowness,” saying:

The typical office worker is interrupted every three minutes by a phone call, e-mail, instant message or other distraction. The problem is that it takes about eight uninterrupted minutes for our brains to get into a really creative state.

An even more alarming article from (my favorite) journalist Clive Thompson in The New York Times Magazine cited a UC Irvine study that puts interruptions in stark terms:

Each employee spent only 11 minutes on any given project before being interrupted and whisked off to do something else. What’s more, each 11-minute project was itself fragmented into even shorter three-minute tasks, like answering e-mail messages, reading a Web page or working on a spreadsheet. And each time a worker was distracted from a task, it would take, on average, 25 minutes to return to that task.

OMG: I’m Only Working Two Hours a Day?!?

Leon Ho over at Life Hack did the math on an 8-hour work day:

(8 * 60 / (11+25) * 11)

There are only roughly 2 hours on quality project time. Think about this figure verse [sic] the rest of 6 hours.

And a 2005 study from Basex titled “The Cost of Not Paying Attention: How Interruptions Impact Knowledge Worker Productivity,” puts the cost at more than half a trillion dollars a year.

Unnecessary interruptions consume about 28 percent of the knowledge worker’s day, which translates to 28 billion lost hours to companies in the United States alone. At an average cost per hour of $21 (Bureau of Labor Statistics, June 2005), that costs U.S. companies $588 billion per annum.

Whoa.

As an Interactive Pro, How Do You Deal with Interruptions?

Makers in an interactive setting face additional pressures — the expectation to participate in interruptive social media like Twitter, instant messaging, Facebook, Yammer, etc.

(Just as I wrote that, for some reason I felt compelled to check Twitter. Weird.)

That pressure requires creative solutions. Microsoft Labs created Scalable Fabric to minimize open windows. Apple created Spaces. A search for the “inbox zero” mantra of “Do it, Delegate it, Delete It” turned up about 1.3 million results.

Beating Interruptions in the Office

Productivity is a huge business in the U.S., and there’s a reason. Productive employees get noticed, get promoted, and retire early to beautiful privately owned islands. I can’t say I’m the master of productivity, but here’s a few tips I’ve been using lately with good success.

1. Turn off IM. This has been a tough one for me, as I thoroughly enjoy chatting about work (and other stuff).
2. Block out work time. If I have to do some serious writing, I put it into my calendar. (I also put my gym time in there.)
3. Go away. People swing by my desk all the time with questions, concerns, ideas, or just to talk. I can minimize these distractions by leaving.
4. Say no. So let’s say I’m working at my desk and have found a groove. Someone drops by and asks, “can I interrupt you?” I’m trying now to say “in an hour?”

My role here is a hybrid manager/maker. Graham’s suggestion of “office hours” seems to me an excellent idea to avoid office interruption, though I have no idea how to make it happen short of blocking out all my time except a few hours a day.

What about you? What are your biggest distractions and interruptions? How do you deal with them?

This cracks me up to no end.

Hard to believe I’ve been blogging and working at Pop Art for more than two-and-a-half years now. In that time, I’ve tried to write posts that other writers will find useful, and maybe even demonstrate that we know what we’re doing.

Lately, my blogging has fallen off since I’ve taken on our media planning and buying department. But I thought it’d be a good time to look back.

1. The fake layout above comes from one of the funniest jokes ever made at Pop Art. Well, it was funny to me, anyway.
2. At some early point at Pop Art, we moved a lot of the SEO responsibility over to editorial. Here’s why.
3. What good will those brand workshops do if your writing doesn’t reflect it?
4. Viral ideas need support to get them to pandemic mode and beyond the sniffles. One way to do that is to study how wildfires grow.
5. I actually had a client say that they wanted to market their small travel agency to everyone. Bad idea. But here’s a good idea: figure out different elements of your company and let them appeal to different people. Targeting online is a great way to do that.
6. In case you hadn’t heard, there’s a recession on. Here’s what I’ve learned about managing people and balancing work demands during lean times.
7. When we set out to re-do the Pop Art site, one concept we considered bringing forward was the people. I did some quick and dirty research into our team. Very interesting.
8. How do you measure creative? Perceived ad spending.
9. Call it the Tiger Effect; it says in the face of a dominant force, people play for second place.
10. When I look back on hiring my most recent intern, Kevin, I’ll remember the experience not so much for finding him, but for having to say “no” to three other insanely qualified people. One continues to work for Babywit.com, and we correspond every so often about interactive marketing. Here’s an interesting conversation about e-commerce and email.
11. Social media and transparency. Duh.
12. Last, but the first blog post I wrote at Pop Art: The nine-point copywriting checklist.

Dear Madison/Toby/Emily/Tyler,

If I could make just one (very long) comment on your portfolio, it’s this: I want to know why you made the choices you made for each ad/campaign. What business or creative needs led you to these executions? What funny dead-ends did you find along the way? Tell me a little story that explains why you did what you did.

It is the copywriting equivalent of your fourth-grade math teacher harping on you to “show me the work.” As your future boss, I want to know how you approach a problem. Because unlike math, copywriting never provides a single correct answer.

And here’s the real twist: Only your future boss will care about this. The person who’s reading the advertising doesn’t care — they don’t get the benefit of that context.

But if you’re a copywriting and social media expert, you’d better be able to tell me how/why you’ve targeted Headline A to Audience A, and Headline B to Audience B.  Or why that line works for a print ad, but not for a direct mail piece. Or what emotion you’re trying to elicit. Tell me a story.

Anyway, add a little intro to each of these (no more than a paragraph) explaining what you were trying to do, and why you feel it works. And shoot it back to me sometime soon.

-Thom

p.s. Please proofread. I’m not a huge stickler for the traditional rules of grammar and punctuation, but tweak them consistently or you risk me focusing on the wrong thing. Besides, it’s always a good idea to get a second set of eyes on something you’re sending out. Especially to another writer — we’re a prickly bunch!

Another frequent portfolio email? Where I explain to aspiring copywriters that their blog is NOT copywriting. Oh, it’s funny, sure. But it’s not copywriting. Copywriting has a point. It has constraints.

Copywriting is writing for hire — where a client gives you a product, an offer, an audience and a medium, and then you write something more brilliant than they could’ve hoped to read.

But blogging about the smelly guy on the bus, or tweeting about the colossal ass you made of yourself at the bar? That’s not copywriting. This rant? It’s not copywriting, either, and I sure would never put it into my portfolio. Please don’t put it in yours.